The Most Powerful Tool

            When I was little, I was very insecure. I was insecure because people always made fun of me. They called me a “clown” , a “freak”, and even “Chucky” the evil little red head doll from The Curse of Chucky, all because I was different. I didn’t act like them, I didn’t dress like them…I just wasn’t them. They often made me feel that I was doing something wrong. Even when I “tried” to act like them, I stuck out like a big red sore thumb.

I often felt that my red hair was a curse instead of a blessing. I thought that since I had it, they took it as a target. You know, the bull see’s the red and chases it, that sort of thing. It took a lot of me to just be myself, and when I grasped the concept of being myself... everything changed.

            In life I figured out that children can be and were cruel. They could make you feel like a bucket of slop if you let them. They could even dictate the way your day flowed. Children were like my enemies. I believe that’s why I was often found being to myself. My silence was my sword...it was my shield from the world. My silence was everything that I needed it to be. I think that over time I even learned to block people out with my silence. I blocked them out to the point to where I would only see their mouth moving but no words coming out. But, as time went by I came to the realization that it wasn’t the silence that helped me get through the years. It was during the silence that I realized who I was.

            The silence was good. It was very good. It was almost as if I was addicted to the safeness that its presence gave me. But, the feeling of finally being bold in myself during the midst of my silence was the best feeling ever. So as I look back on my childhood, I now thank the children that were cruel to me. They helped me master the most important tool of all. The tool that I needed for life. The tool that is called knowing and being proud of who I am. This I believe is the most important tool, knowing  my true full identity.